Back on

Such irony on my part for changing my blog url but almost immediately abandoning this space after..Life for me has just been bland and a routine. Ever since the sem (that is now coming to an end) began, land and water trainings have been Monday to Saturday. With the only break being on Sunday. I train so hard that I stopped being so hard on myself about what I eat and crave for. Because really, the only thing to look forward to is mealtime. And the easiest way to lift myself up is to satisfy my cravings. But of course, the guilt I will always carry, it just kicks in a little later. By the time I feel it, I can dismiss it with knowing that I'll be slogging it out on water in a few hours' time.

Recent happenings made me feel that I've lost so much of myself that I eagerly want back. I realized how much I am consumed by all the things I'm gravely committed to. My relationship, canoeing, I saved nothing of and for myself. I never, never regret anything I've done. But with my priorities especially, I do want to make amendments for myself. While I never regretted joining canoeing, its so easy to become sucked into a routine of fighting to be better, that I forget what I'm fighting for, and why I'm fighting anymore. It's only been 9 months but I've fought so hard with myself. One of the most trivial things would be watching my first drama ever since uni started when ITCC came to an end. Or in other words, having little to no time for doing things I used to enjoy. And the more significant would be spending so much less time with my family. The latter I'm more unwillingly to come to terms with. I've been contemplating on leaving the team after I step down from the ex-co, which would be roughly a year of spilling my soul into this sport. But with seniors that have been such a big part of this journey graduating really soon, it's hard to imagine continuing without them. It's gonna be more difficult deciding to quit, than it was to join. I'll have to give it more thought after giving my all this NCC.

Current routine: Paddle/ study/ sleep [Repeat]

Looking forward to the end of this week so studying can be struck off the routine.

24.02.16

twinning specs 

First outing with the boys was hilarioussss I had a good laugh :-) But i'm sure y'all will be less awkward with more meetups HEHE

I'm also really conflicted about using blogger or dayre. I think I'll randomly switch up like dayre when I don't have time haha. I don't really understand how I get views but I do? Like except from stalker seesee who elseeee reads my blog??

Most Memorable of Shanghai

Helloooo
Typing in this space feels surreal. Because the last I left off was a day before leaving for Shanghai. I couldn't sign into google at all while I was there but 4 months went by, not too quick, and I'm back now:-) This post is gonna take me hours because I know I'd be reminiscing as I go. I've already posted most pictures on dayre but I really enjoy reviewing my trip again and this is just a brief one..The most memorable of my trip!! :

When my family visited me on 3 different occasions.
It was really so nice to take time off work routine and spend time with them when my dad, mom and my whole family visited over the period of 3 months. And when I had to be independent and plan everything for myself, it just felt like home again when I could depend on my family just for that few days. Really thankful for a trip with Gonggong and the whole family because the last time we had one was to Macau at least 3 years ago. It was what I really wanted before I came back from this internship and I'm so glad it happened:'-)

Friendship with the Wuhan Interns.
Baisu, Jiang Lai and Ya Qing they're always gonna be so special to me for being the most genuine people I've met. They've arranged every single one of our gatherings from amusement park outings to after work gatherings in/out of the company and allowed for us to become this close. Our time there would have been so much more mundane without them and I really miss them so much rn. Hoping that they'll visit singapore soon:'-(

Happy Valley

 First ever overnight Karaoke..Legit didn't stop singing from 11+ till 6a.m in the morning lols 

Teary goodbye before we left for our HangZhou/ Nanjing trip..

Time with my jujus.

I honestly would have rather have not gone for this trip if not for this derpiest couple there with me. Our time together are always filled with laughter and more laughter and I've never felt like a lightbulb at all HAHA (sorry not sorry de) I remember on the last day of our HangZhou and Nanjing trip when Tk said he was really happy the three of us could have this trip together, he really spoke my mind as well. I'm also extra happy I could become closer with you ari, finally, after being hi bye classmates for 3 years. I definitely wanna go on a trip with these precious two again.. 

Day to the aquarium and insect museum:

 So mandatory much photoshopped:-)

5rmb motorbike ride home on days we felt ballsy. Super thrilling omg

Han Zhou and Nanjing Trip:

 Headed to Nanjing at the train station but more looking forward to returning to Singapore haha

(Cotton Candy)

Stone as always

Getting through the entire 4 months trip.

Above all the good times I've had during the trip,  there had been a great deal of downs and dramas that I'd rather not remember in detail. One thing that definitely kept me going was your constant texts. I'm not doing this dedication because you asked for it okay omg *rolls eyes* But because I know I would have had a harder time if I didn't have someone I could talk to, rant and tell everything to all day and every day throughout the months I was there. It still feels surreal that I could know you in the short time between the end of poly and my departure for Shanghai. And it honestly felt really nice to know someone was waiting. 

I'm getting into my first relationship ever and it has really kickstarted all the fears that I have of being in one. Theres so much running through my mind now that I'm not sure what I want to put into words first. Firstly, I felt really bad after crying to you yesterday because I know it wasn't about you at all. I already know what kind of a person you are by now and I trust you entirely. But I think I've always only been exposed to relationships gone bad around me and its really unfortunate. It's to the point where I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship just because I know that it's not all gonna be good times and I'm afraid. And I know this is wrong.  My insecurities are also fed by my lack of self confidence.  I never believed that anyone would like me (my friends would know this haha). I was always skeptical about compliments. I had the least amount of self confidence growing up. It's really getting better as I get older but it's still a part of me that requires constant effort on my part.

Even with all that, I still want to experience Love. I've always wanted to. I want to believe that someone likes me. And now that you've come along, I think I should be fair to myself and the both of us. I really want to love daringly you know. Thinking about the future still scares me a little but what I'm sure of right now is that I want you to be safe, happy, well fed, achieve everything that you want to even if it means having less time with you. Even if we're not doing anything together, I'd still want to be the one that's on your mind to give you every support. This is cheesy af but it's how I make sure to myself that I like you. I feel that it's not all the little times we spend together that matters to me (of course I'd feel clingy sometimes), but being there for each other in long term that matters more. 

Thank you for waiting and now that we're together I'm excited for what's to come de<333

Last one from sunny (hazy) Singapore:-(

 Will miss this one a tad too much:-(

 To Shanghai with the most adorable bunch (goat people) !!! 

 If you're reading this, fak u very much bij:'-)

 Bye Jac I know you'll do good in Aus and I also know you don't read my blog so bye

 most annoying friend award

(Jia you)

And dinner with super sweet girl who peeled prawn for me:'-(

Hi. Vegan Burg is good???! Damn good :-)
And this will be the last post from Singapore until 4 months later.
Early flight tmr! And mom said we should have breakfast at the airport and leave house at 4.30a.m. so  I believe I wont be sleeping a wink tonight because I'm not done packing. And fei and bij are coming to stay!! I don't want to think about not being to able to see and hug all my loved ones anymore because I've had enough swollen eyes the past few mornings.. I shall leave that to tomorrow.

Besides all these, I'm also really worried about completing major project and reports over in Shanghai. I feel like I wouldn't be able to resist using any free time to explore over there. Well, maybe explore, find a nice coffee shop and then do work.
Great plan Kim.

Bringing Norwegian Woods, The Martian and my national geographic with me. And hoping to catch The Martian (without mandarin dubbing) in Shanghai! SO STOKED to finish the book and watching the trailer multiple times is making me really excited for the movie.

Spending my day with Feizy and my family in the night! Can't help but feel heavy hearted though I'm sure I'll be fine once I'm there. Cheers to real independence.
Till then:-)

You'll be most missed

 You'll be most missed :'-(

Hellooooo
The photos really keep me in check of how long I haven't blogged. And it's been a long while this time. Someone forced me to use dayre but I think my heart will ever be with Blogger *smirk*

Spending lots of time with my baes before I fly off to Shanghai. The trip has been so delayed due to Visa application troubles but I'm not complaining. Four months in Shanghai is probably long enough for me to experience living abroad, as well as become really homesick. Should be flying some time next week and I'm getting excited. But still lazy to pack (haven't started haha)
More meeting up with people I'm gonna miss this week hehe I haven't done much today except a really good workout but I'm se tired rn.
Byeeee:-)