Just like in the past, when I have nothing on hand, I let my thoughts run wild and far. They usually go far into the unpredictable future. But this time, it went far back. And it's not always a good thing to have so much time to think about things (Especially things that have already happened). Because I realized I finally abandoned my tendencies to overthink things right up to just about a week ago. I began to think of the past and how things would have turned out if I had thought differently then, or made certain decisions with different priorities in mind. I googled useless questions and asked myself even more useless questions: Would things be better? Would I be happier? Would I have been a better person? Did I do wrong? I looked at past conversations and pictures that I definitely deleted but you can never really delete what you've put out there in the media. Of course, with a character of mine, I kept trying to convince myself that I didn't regret any of my moves or decisions. And I eventually managed to conclude for myself that I didn't.
At Secondary four's Parent Teacher Conference, my teacher asked me what I thought about my results. Looking at my vastly varying grades from A for languages to F for math, I replied that I was pretty happy with them. She laughed and told my mom I was a really "happy-go-lucky" girl. Indeed I am. To this day. I tend to not brood over bad grades or failed tests (or things that did not work out in Life). I think I have the phrase "Don't cry over spilled milk" strongly etched in me ever since the day I learnt of it. I don't remember how old I was but I definitely remember telling my mom how much sense the phrase made to me. Anyways, I'm just feeling a bit clueless right now. My mind is like fogged up glass with a whirlwind of thoughts. I think I would scream out loud if I was alone. I should have known better than to refer to my (even though trusted) daily horoscope for advice at this time. It's making me go a certain direction that I'm unsure of. I'm being so vague that I wonder if I'll know what I'm referring to when I look back at this post one day.
But it's been so long since I had a words only post and it feels so good to let it all out. Even though only I will know what I'm talking about haha.. Sorry peeps. PEEPS HAHA KIM. Who says this.
Okay schools starting next week and I was super disappointed in my results from the last semester. Not so much disappointed in myself because don't cry over spilled milk remember?? But really.. I had 3 As/ a B and a C+ but the two lower grades had to be for two modules that were of higher weightage. Fuck. Anyway, it definitely serves as more motivation for the final sem before internship. Let's go lazy ass. Be less lazy this sem. Please? And channel my fucked up thoughts into constructive thoughts maybe.
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